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Marketing.

Oh, the joys of being a small business owner. You’ve got a million things on your plate, and then you run into one of those slick marketing companies ready to “help” you out. These companies love to prey on the hopes and dreams of unsuspecting small businesses, promising the moon and stars only to deliver a handful of glitter instead.

First off, they’ll schmooze you with big talk, throwing around buzzwords like “growth hacking” and “brand awareness algorithms” as if they were handing out candy. Small business owners, eager for success, might fall for the pitch, thinking they’ve finally found the magical solution to all their marketing woes.

Once contracts are signed and your hard-earned money is in their pockets, these marketing companies proceed to serve up a delightful platter of mediocrity. They’ll use cookie-cutter templates, regurgitated content, and generic strategies that do little more than create the illusion of progress. Meanwhile, your small business is left spinning its wheels, waiting for the avalanche of customers that never materializes.

And when the small business owner starts questioning the results, or, you know, the lack thereof, these marketing companies will drown them in confusing jargon and excuses. After all, they’re masters at the blame game. Was it the algorithms? The competition? The phases of the moon? Who knows! But one thing’s for sure: with “friends” like these marketing companies, who needs enemies?

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